Tuesday, April 25, 2006 4:36 AM
i have nothing more to say.
i wanted to pass it desperately.
ive already did badly for my chi test.
i told myself to be good in guides.
but this had to happen.
my sadness have gone beyond its limit.
i cried in the shower.
i ate exceptionally alot today at dinner.
what on earth am i doing ?
am i hiding away from reality ?
i told myself it was okay.
but in my heart, i know that its not okay at all.
am i reassuring myself ?
im brokened.
i tried my best.
i swear i really did.
i believed you have made mistakes before.
others have relented and let you pass.
why must you be so cruel ?
even the others allowed me to pass.
but you refused.
when you asked me " do you think you can improve if you practise ? "
i said " no " and smiled.
did you know that i was on the verge on tears ?
did you know i wanted to cry out loud ?
did you know i was holding on to my tears?
DID YOU KNOW ?
i doubt so.
i cried on the bus.
everythings wrong.
results, family probs and ... other stuffs .
im drained.
i dont want to hate you.
i really dont.
i know you refused is because you wanted me to be perfect.
im sorry to tell you.
I CANT BE PERFECT.
i spent hours on it.
and what do i get?
SORROW.
i was holding on to my tears while i walked to the busstop.
i didnt want others to know how weak i was.
they joked when we walked.
but i couldnt laugh.
i was controlling my tears.
i was looking upwards so that my tears wont drip.
i was holding my mouth together.
look at what you have did.
are you happy ?
its all becauseofyou.
